J-Talk

A cautionary tale
Once upon a time there were three little pigs. They lived in a tiny house with their mother. When they were old enough to leave home and face the world on their own their mother gave them a bag containing clothes and food. She told them: ‘It’s a wicked world out there – the lazy will suffer and the strong will succeed.’
Together the three little pigs walked off into the distance waving to their mother as they went. They walked together for many days until finally one of the little pigs was too tired to walk on. ‘You two go on alone, I’m going to build a house right here.’ He was a very lazy pig and said to himself, ‘Mother was talking rubbish. I’m just going to relax and have fun.’ So he decided to make his house out of straw. This took about ten minutes.
Meanwhile the other two little pigs continued on their journey until one of them said, ‘I’m too tired to walk anymore. I think I’ll make my house here.’ He wasn’t as lazy as the other pig, however he did like to enjoy himself and so he didn’t want to spend too much time making a house. So he decided to make his house out of wood. This took a couple of hours.
Finally the third pig came to the top of a hill and decided it was a good place to build a house. He said to himself ‘ Mother said that the hard-working will succeed so I’ll make my house out of bricks.’
Now in the near-by woods lived a big bad wolf, who liked nothing more than eating little pigs. When he saw the house of straw and the little pig sunbathing outside he thought to himself ‘Ah! Breakfast’. He crept stealthly towards the sleeping pig, but he stepped on a twig and the startled little pig ran inside. The wolf came to the house and said ‘Little pig, little pig let me come in’. But the terrified little pig said ‘Look here wolf, if I let you in you’ll eat me, so just sod off.’ Now that made the wolf really angry so he said, ‘You asked for it, pig, I’m going to blow your house in.’ So he huffed and he puffed and he blew the house in. He jumped on the little pig and gobbled him up.
At around lunch just when he was starting to feel hungry again he spotted the other little pig sitting outside listening to his walkman. Unfortunately the little pig spotted him and scurried inside. ‘Shit,’ thought the wolf, ‘it’s looks like some more huffing and puffing.’ Well, a wooden house isn’t as easy to blow in as a straw one but this wolf had pretty big lungs and soon he was munching on his favourite food: little pig.
At around dinner time he was beginning to feel a little peckish and that’s when he saw the brick house.
‘Time for dinner!’, he thought and he ambled up to the house.
‘Hi! Little pig, how ya doing? Why don’t you let me in and we can get to know each other.’
‘Look here, you fat slob of a wolf, I know you. You’ll just eat me. So why don’t you just bugger off and eat someone else.’
‘ Right, Pig. I guess I’ll have to blow your house in’
‘ Oh, I’m really frightened. Listen wolf, save yourself the trouble, it took me two weeks to build this house. It’s reinforced with titanium steel, there are cast iron girders in the roof, the door is welded into the brick-work and…’
‘OK, I get the picture. You live in a strong house. I guess I’ll have to eat someone else instead.’
Now the wolf wasn’t a complete moron and so he knew there was no chance of blowing the house in. He said to himself ‘Cocky little shit, I’ll have to teach him a lesson.’ So he went to a hardware shop, where he bought ten sticks of dynamite. He returned to the house and blew it up, and devoured the pig so completely that nothing remained. Not even the trotters.

Moral 1: You can’t blow over a brick house; you need dynamite.
Moral 2: Don’t always believe your mother.